Mamba and Miracles

I’ve been thinking lately about the concept of truly living into the space we occupy in this life and what that really means.  There are people – we know them, we might be them – who seem to fold in on themselves, somehow apologizing through their actions, body language or demeanor, for the person they are in the world.  The too tall, too large, too loud person, who slouches, covers and tries to take up less physical space. The person who announces their self imposed insignificance by the way they enter and exit a room.   And those who are shy, awkward, and feel undeserving somehow of love, attention, grace and the good and bad they accumulate along the way.

We know about the others too.  You might be one. They own the room. When they arrive, we feel as though we were waiting for them, unaware until that moment that they are what was missing from the moment. The ones who expect people to be happy to see them, to like and admire them, to enjoy their company.  The ones who don’t apologize for what they need or want in life.

I think nowadays they call it swag.

Perhaps, because of the recent tragedy and the focus on his life, thinking about swag makes me think of Kobe Bryant.  Larger than life. Not just because of his celebrity, but because of his relentless pursuit of excellence and his insistence on living life on his terms.  Not a perfect man to be sure. His failings were well documented. But his greatness and tenacity were equally in view. He earned his place. He demanded his due. He was blessed with success but it was not merely a gift.  He was uncompromising in its pursuit. And, he also gave back, distributing his talent, his celebrity, his money and his megawatt smile back into a world that loved him. His untimely death and that of his child and the others is an unspeakable tragedy. But, Kobe lived.  He lived a great big life and missed out on little while he claimed his space on this planet. 

We should all aspire to such a life.  We all deserve a life just as big and rich whether we believe it or not.

But there is a price, and there is work to be done to get it.

Even Kobe didn’t get it for free.  But he never doubted he deserved it.

And there’s the real challenge.  We must overcome what we’ve been taught about ourselves and what we’ve accepted in regards to others opinions about our worthiness. We need to account for our own apathy and our self inflicted limitations. Even harder, is how to prevail over the very real disadvantages that may have sapped our imagination and stripped us of our ability to dream.  And then. Then, we must subjugate a stingy society that wants to decide and mete out what we’re entitled to.

It’s a lot.  And it’s on us.

But – living small serves no one, benefits no one.  Accepting less than all we are capable of becoming, is the squandering of a life.

My kids say I am one of the most risk averse people they know.  I say that risk averse people don’t have children. There is nothing riskier to your heart and soul than releasing your children into the world.  But they are correct in that I am cautious and believe adventure is best enjoyed when one is prepared for it. A big life doesn’t necessarily mean a spontaneous life.  And adventure doesn’t mean you can’t plan. Living fully is still possible wearing a life jacket or a helmet, right?!  I’m working on it, ok.

I fully embrace that I am capable of more, that God has bigger plans for me than I do and that I am deserving of whatever that is and wherever it takes me.

I am not a large person.   My physical presence belies the amount of space I want to live into.  I want there to be a record of me being here beyond the dates in the census. I want to become everything I am meant to be , and I want to choose – or be led to  – whatever that is. I don’t want to leave here with regrets.

There are ways to do it.  There are books, classes, podcasts,  and movies for inspiration. There are people like Kobe and his mamba mentality to emulate.  But to really inhabit a big life, I need a magnificent example.  

So, I’m talking about Jesus.  Because there is swag. And there is walking on water swag.

 With the utmost respect for this sacred story I want to ask that you consider a few things.  That day, that miraculous day, Jesus was tired. The day before, he found out his friend had been beheaded.  He attempted to go off and be alone but ended up teaching and feeding 5000 people. So, he was the day after cooking Thanksgiving dinner, tired.  Tie -errred.  Around this time in his life not everyone wanted to hear what he had to say.  Some just showed up for the refreshments and the medical benefits. Some thought he was a braggart and a liar. Some folks were conspiring behind his back.  He had one outfit.  He had, like, 12 friends and one of them was  a frenemy. He had to walk or row a boat everywhere.  Everything wasn’t really perfect. On that day, he sent his friends on ahead on a little cruise so he could regroup and chat with his Dad.  And then a nasty storm came through and he started to worry about his friends. And he figured he better go and check on them because, well, that was the kind of friend he was.  I don’t think he spent too much time even thinking about how he was going to get from where he was to where his friends were. At least it’s not recorded in the story if he did. He just started walking.  Jesus knew who he was.  He knew who had his back.  He knew what his capabilities were.  He knew his job. He knew his heart. He knew before he ever stepped off the sand that the waves would get him wet –  but hold firm beneath his feet. He could see the distance between himself and the others. He was not afraid. He did not doubt.  He lived into that moment and negated the space between water and land.

I get that he had a few advantages.  And I get that not everyone believes that story. And if all you can do is admire the imagination of the storyteller,  it’s still a phenomenal example of knowing who you are and believing in the possibilities. And it’s a visual to help you step out into your own storm.

The only person we really know inside out, is ourselves.  If we can reject all the other voices that shout out the reasons it’s not possible, then we can start to fully occupy our life.  If we can get to a place where we trust our own abilities, if we can strengthen our willingness to work and persevere, if we see challenges as merely shifting terrain and if we know who has our back, then we can step out onto the water of our life.  We can stand steady in our own storms. We can be sure that there is so much more possible than what we even imagine. We deserve to be here and we can stand in that holy space. And then, with confidence, we can extend our reach to those who are afraid and don’t yet believe it for themselves.